Dan and I are broken up right now...it's both of our faults, and I'm not going to get into the details of it all...but I do need to say something about it. The most important thing I need to say is that no matter what, I still love him.
So Dan, if you're reading this...here it goes...
I wish more than anything that we could work this out. I still love you and I always will. If you stopped having feelings for me then well, I can't change that. I deserve to be with someone who cares about me just as much as I care about them...and I'm not sure I have that with you. I mean, when we were texting yesterday it just seemed like you hated me, like you had no feelings at all. And honestly, if that is the case, it makes me wonder how much you actually loved me to begin with. I truly and honestly believe that true love never dies. I know that we're supposed to talk today, and I hope we do...but I have a feeling that you aren't going to call. I guess I'll just have to wait and see.
I also want you to know that I am truly sorry for hurting you. I know that I screwed up...but I also don't think it's fair that you want to give up because of this. You have hurt me so many times, and we've gotten through it. It hurts me even more to know that you actually believe I would be stupid enough to cheat on you. I never have and I never will. I'm not that kind of person, and you know that. I am actually still in shock that you would say something like that...
I've spent the past 27 hours thinking about you, and us, and what I want. At first, I thought I wanted it to be over. I was relieved that I wouldn't be crying every night because of our fights. But then, the more I thought about it, the more I realized that I know those fights are going to stop, especially since I understand the frat so much better now. I know that it isn't their fault that we are having problems, I understand that you love being a part of it, and I am starting to realize why. My parents helped me a lot with that part.
The more I thought about it, the more I began to miss you, to realize that you are actually gone, to remember how much I need you in my life. We always said that we were meant for each other, that we would get married one day and be together forever. Remember? "More than anything, forever and ever babe." What happened to that? Did those feelings that you had really go away in a matter of hours? Or were they never actually there to begin with. Maybe you just thought they were there and are finally realizing that they weren't what you thought. Or maybe they are still there and you just don't want them to be. I don't know.
What I do know is how I feel and what I want. I know that I love you, I know that I want to give this another shot. I know that we can get through this...that we can get through anything. But before that can happen, I need to know that you love me, that you really truly love me the way you've said that you do...or did.
I love you Dan...more than anything, forever and ever.
Ok, well now that I've gotten that off of my chest, all I have left to do now is wait, and pray, that God will lead us in the right direction.
1 comment:
Hang in there, Kelly..."time is a physician that heals all wounds." It's tough now, but you've got lots of friends that are there for you...just waiting to give a shoulder to lean or cry on. The situations that are the most stressful are the ones that cause us to grow the most...and life wouldn't be the same without those moments of sadness to put the really great moments into perspective. I know you really want everything to be back to the way it was...and I hope that happens, but if you sit there and wish things were how you remember them, all you'll be doing is dwelling in the past. If you must dwell, dwell on the good memories you had and remember that you'll always have those. That's something that no break up can tarnish. Finally, remember that while this is a really depressing event, perhaps it was for the best. You've heard before, but if it wasn't meant to happen, it won't. You'll find someone who'll love you as much as you love them someday...but until that day, remember to put a smile on...
I'm always here if you need someone to lend you an ear...(that rhymed...lol).
Sean
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