Ok, so I am bored out of my mind. Seriously, I would rather be chased by a pack of ravenous, rabies carrying zombies then sit here watching fucking deal or no deal. Why don't I change the channel? Because I fucking live at home and someone else has the remote. So fuck off.
Anyway, like yesterday, I can't figure out what to right about. OH! I've found inspiration! Here we go...
Cool things that someone should invent for me:
1. An underground, high pressure air powered teleporter.
You know those things at the bank that go *woosh* when you put your money in it and it goes up the tube and into the building? Yeah, those are cool. Someone needs to put giant ones underground connecting every college campus in the nation. That would be so fucking badass. Just hop into a pod, strap yourself in and *woosh* you're off to wherever the hell you wanna go. Someone should invent it immediately.
2. A climate controlled bubble.
Seriously, Indiana weather sucks donkey balls, especially throughout the months of oh, September through the middle of April. So, I want a climate controlled bubble to inflate as soon as the weather gets shitty. That way, when everyone else is walking around in the snow and ice freezing their cocks and titties off, I will be strolling along in my 78 degree and sunny bubble. And everyone will be staring at me like what the fuck is that retard doing? and I'll just laugh at them and their coldness.
3. Oxygen powered cars.
Yeah, gas prices can suck a monkey's dick. Oxygen is fucking everywhere, and we're never going to run out of it, so why not use it for something other than breathing? Do some crazy engineering thing to make it so cars can run on air. That would be fucking sweet. Even better, make them hover cars. Hell yeah.
4. Steel knee cap cover with retractable blade (for the protection purposes).
All girls know that if a guy pisses her off, or tries to attack her, or whatever, she should first knee him in the nuts. Now, if a guy tried to attack you, wouldn't you be much more satisfied if you had a metal blade attached to your knee when you did that? Seriously, it's the ultimate fucking form of protection.
5. Grocery Store teleport.
Sure. You can go online and order your groceries and have them delivered (I think...) But I don't want some strange fucking asshole coming to my house. I would much rather order my groceries online and then have them teleported to my kitchen. No strange guys, no tip, no annoying trip to the store. End of story.
6. Good Guy (or girl) detector.
Like many women, I am fucking tired of dating assholes. Now, I know that not all guys are assholes (though I know from experience that all have the potential to become one...but that's beside the point) what I mean to say is that A LOT of guys are assholes, or have an asshole hiding behind their good guy visage, so all women should have a good guy detector that makes a terribly annoying buzzing sound when an asshole starts hitting on them, and plays the mother fucking hallelujah chorus when a good guy comes their way. That would make life so much easier. Really, think about it. I'm right and you know it.
7. Brain chips.
My memory sucks. I can study my ass off for finals and still forget half of what I learned. Plus I suck at remembering birthdays and how old my parents are and what I am supposed to do during the kids' nap time at work. SO I think we should have a fucking computer chip in our brain so every time we read something or someone tells us something, it is stored, saved and never erased. OH! And it can also be used as an mp3 player...that would be sweet. Then, if there's ever something you want to completely forget about, you can just push your bellybutton or something and it will erase. I would get all A's, all the time. AND I would never spend an hour trying to remember the lyrics to a song, or have to ask someone else to figure out a friend's birthday. I think it's a good idea...some crazy scientist should get on it.
8. Deflate button.
Losing weight sucks balls. See, I like working out, I really do! It gives me more energy and it makes me feel accomplished, but it still takes too long to lose weight. So, it would only make sense that everyone should have a deflate button to push every time they wanted to shed a few pounds. Then they could just work out to work on the muscle and toning aspect. See, I just solved the problem of obesity in America! I'm a fucking genius.
Ok, that's all I got. And yes, I know that most of my ideas aren't possible, but fuck you, they're cool and you know it!
Cheers!
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