Do You Love Me? Are You Playin' Your Love Games With Me?

Yes, the title is another Old Greg reference. If you don't like it, fuck you. It's relevant (sort of). 

But seriously, I have a question. Why in the fucking hell are some guys so stupid. I swear there are more douche bags in Indiana then there are mexicans crossing the border. (That was rude and offensive...I apologize). But here are the things I don't get: 

How come when guys sleep around with anything that doesn't have a dick between its legs it's no big deal, but when a girl fucks more than one guy in a month she's a slut? 

Ok...bigger question: Why is it ok for ANYONE to fuck around with a ton of people? Seriously, it's wrong. And yes, I'm sure that those of you close to me know that I've made my mistakes in this area in the past, but I was young and STUPID. I grew out of it in less than a year, and though it was wrong, it's in the past. So if after reading this you wanted to try and throw that in my face, you can go suck a bull's dick...because the people I really have a problem with are those who don't fucking change. I have a problem with the people who are 20, 21, 22 years old and still can't keep it in their pants and take other people's feelings into consideration for once in their selfish, wasted lives. I am so fucking tired of hearing guys talk about all the girls they've fucked like it's a fucking contest. Fuck you. You're all man whores and deserve to have your dick cut off...or at least get an STD. 

Why do guys feel the need to "play games" with girls?

One of the things I hate most about guys is when they act like they're really into you...saying all the right things, holding your hand, kissing you on the forehead, the works, and then completely fucking ignore you the next day. WHAT THE FUCK?! Yeah, I know...you're probably just trying to get laid. Fuck you, asshole. What pisses me off even more is when they actually DO call you back, act the exact same way the next time you hang out and make you think "hey, maybe this one's for real" and then don't call you after that. Seriously, if you're not into a chick, don't fucking lead her on. If you're trying to get laid save it for that night and if you don't get what you want, deal with it. If you're not interested in a relationship, or even a friendship with her, don't give her the impression that you are. If you do otherwise, your dick will harden into an egg and when it hatches you'll have a vagina...that way you can find out what it feels like to be on our end of all this. Fucking douche bags. 

How come some guys can't have a conversation without making a sexual reference? 

Let me give you and example...I asked a guy friend if he could show me and Allie some workouts that we could do and his response was "I'll show you some that the two of us could do without Allie." UGH!!!! Seriously, go jack off in a corner somewhere. I don't know if guys like this are trying to flirt or if they're just fucking douche troughs, but regardless it's not attractive. Granted, a comment every once in awhile may be funny...but seriously, try to keep awkward sexual comments out of most conversations unless you're actually dating the girl. Otherwise you're just gonna look like a man-whore asshole like 96% of the other guys out there. 

Holy shit it's almost a quarter to 4. I'm going to die tomorrow. I'll probably add more later. But first: 

Disclaimer: Even though I have not had the best experiences in relationships, I do know that not ALL guys are assholes, though I do believe that A LOT of them are. Regardless, I'm annoyed and needed to rant. If you don't like it you can suck a donkey dick.  

Cheers! 

Sunny Days Keepin the Clouds Away

I had such an amazing workout today!!! Allie and I have been walking about 4.5 miles three to four days a week for the past couple weeks now, and it has really been helping. Today, we decided to jog most of it and ended up speed walking and then running (we couldn't seem to find an in-between). When I got home, I did some ab work and some push-ups. I feel so incredibly great right now! When we first started working out, I started eating a lot healthier too. With the exception of my occasional starbucks, I've done really well. I haven't felt this good in a LONG time. My goal is to lose 15-25 pounds by August. I've already lost 4 or 5, so I'm on the right track. 

Ok, now that I've shared my  joy with all of you, it's time for the good stuff. 

Since I am on the Monon Trial quite a bit nowadays, I've noticed a few different kinds of people that spend their evenings on the trail. So, I came up with a few descriptions of the people I see: 

The "I wish I was Lance Armstrong" Bike Rider:

These people have it all: The bright yellow spandex suit, the sunglasses, the helmet, the black gloves. Allie and I will be walking and then suddenly hear "ON YOU'RE LEFT" shouted from behind us. To be totally honest, it scares the shit out of me when people do that. I can hear your fucking bike coming, I don't need you to yell at me. I would be way more fucking comfortable if you just passed me silently, maybe with a polite wave. But no, you have to yell, make sure everyone knows you're there...you attention craving asshole. Lance Armstrong may be missing a ball (or two?) but at least he's not a fucking attention craving asshole....oh wait, yeah  he is. Well...fuck. At least you have that in common with him. 

The "I want people to think I'm training for the mother fucking Olympic" Roller Blader:

These fuck-tards travel in packs. There are always at least two of them, but usually more. They lean forward, with their hands behind their back like they are a fucking bird or something (what?) whatever. The fact is they look like fucking bananas on crack. They have the same gay-ass yellow suit as the "on you're left" biker, but for some reason the roller blader looks twice as retarded....probably because there's more of them. They all have their big ass safety helmets and goggles, whenever I see one I can't help but fucking laugh. They honestly make me want to grab a fucking animal, roll it up into a ball and see how many I can knock over. 

OH! Now that I think about it, I want to start putting sticks in strategically placed spots so they fall over like in Big Daddy. That would make my fucking week!!!! It would be even better if someone hid in the bushes to video tape. Any takers? 

The "I'm going faster than you" Runners. 

These people make me want to fucking punch a baby...well, maybe not a baby...um...they make me want to punch a cunt whore bitch or beer guzzling asshole (see previous post). Allie and I are speed walking, or jogging, whatever, and these fuckers come running by, sweaty as fuck, and give us the "look" as they pass. FUCK YOU! So what if you are running faster. You're probably just trying to get away from some other bitch you pissed off. And you know what? These people are always fucking by themselves. Probably because they're too fucking arrogant to have any friends. Assholes. Oh well...by August I'll be skinnier than you AND I'll have friends. So go suck a dick. 

The "Look how happy me and my boyfriend are" bitches. 

Yeah, you have a dog. So fucking what? Whenever these people are coming towards us, they always look at their dog, look at each other and then give me and Allie this retarded looking little smirk. Sure, ok, I know some people are just trying to be nice, but I can tell the difference. You, the fucking bitch who thinks she's queen of the world, don't smile, you fucking smirk like a baby taking a shit. You give us that same "bitch, you're gonna have to change my diaper later" look that infants give. Well you know what? Fuck you. You're boyfriend probably has an STD, or some crazy disease he got from fucking your precious little dog. Suck on that...whore. 

The "I think I'm so fucking hot" skateboarders. 

These are the guys that Allie and I run into in the parking lot and at the beginning of the trail. Today, we were by our cars and someone honked behind us. I turned around to find a jeep full of these cock suckers yellin at us like they had a fucking chance. They looked like they were fucking twelve!!! These fucking kids really do think they're the shit..even as they fall on their ass trying to do an "ollie" or whateverthefuck trick they're trying to do. It really is kind of amusing though, because after the board comes out from under them and they end up on the ground, they just pick up the board really quick and look around to see if anyone saw. Fucking retards, of course someone saw!!! It's fucking 80 degrees out and you see at least 3 people in every fucking direction. Then there are the ones that actually get away from the Monon Center's skate park and go on the trail. These fuckheads are the ones who howl like wolves when it gets dark. NO I'm not fucking kidding...they HOWL like fucking wolves. Fucking douche bags. 

You're not cool, you never will be. Get a fucking life. 

Ok, well I'm tired...maybe I'll pick this up later. I could write a fucking book on all the idiots I've seen in the 3 weeks or so I've been working out on that freakin trail. And that's just over THREE weeks. God, people are stupid. Seriously. Fuck society. Well, not all of society, just the fucktards that make society suck. Did that even make sense? Whatever, I wanted to be asleep an hour ago. 

Night!  

Bow Chicka Wow Wow

I know, the title's gay. Whatever, fuck you. 

Ok, so I am bored out of my mind. Seriously, I would rather be chased by a pack of ravenous, rabies carrying zombies then sit here watching fucking deal or no deal. Why don't I change the channel? Because I fucking live at home and someone else has the remote. So fuck off. 

Anyway, like yesterday, I can't figure out what to right about. OH! I've found inspiration! Here we go...

Cool things that someone should invent for me:

1. An underground, high pressure air powered teleporter. 

You know those things at the bank that go *woosh* when you put your money in it and it goes up the tube and into the building? Yeah, those are cool. Someone needs to put giant ones underground connecting every college campus in the nation. That would be so fucking badass. Just hop into a pod, strap yourself in and *woosh* you're off to wherever the hell you wanna go.  Someone should invent it immediately. 

2. A climate controlled bubble. 

Seriously, Indiana weather sucks donkey balls, especially throughout the months of oh, September through the middle of April. So, I want a climate controlled bubble to inflate as soon as the weather gets shitty. That way, when everyone else is walking around in the snow and ice freezing their cocks and titties off, I will be strolling along in my 78 degree and sunny bubble. And everyone will be staring at me like what the fuck is that retard doing? and I'll just laugh at them and their coldness. 

3. Oxygen powered cars. 

Yeah, gas prices can suck a monkey's dick. Oxygen is fucking everywhere, and we're never going to run out of it, so why not use it for something other than breathing? Do some crazy engineering thing to make it so cars can run on air. That would be fucking sweet. Even better, make them hover cars. Hell yeah. 

4. Steel knee cap cover with retractable blade (for the protection purposes). 

All girls know that if a guy pisses her off, or tries to attack her, or whatever, she should first knee him in the nuts. Now, if a guy tried to attack you, wouldn't you be much more satisfied if you had a metal blade attached to your knee when you did that? Seriously, it's the ultimate fucking form of protection. 

5. Grocery Store teleport. 

Sure. You can go online and order your groceries and have them delivered (I think...) But I don't want some strange fucking asshole coming to my house. I would much rather order my groceries online and then have them teleported to my kitchen. No strange guys, no tip, no annoying trip to the store. End of story. 

6. Good Guy (or girl) detector. 

Like many women, I am fucking tired of dating assholes. Now, I know that not all guys are assholes (though I know from experience that all have the potential to become one...but that's beside the point) what I mean to say is that A LOT of guys are assholes, or have an asshole hiding behind their good guy visage, so all women should have a good guy detector that makes a terribly annoying buzzing sound when an asshole starts hitting on them, and plays the mother fucking hallelujah chorus when a good guy comes their way. That would make life so much easier. Really, think about it. I'm right and you know it. 

7. Brain chips.

My memory sucks. I can study my ass off for finals and still forget half of what I learned. Plus I suck at remembering birthdays and how old my parents are and what I am supposed to do during the kids' nap time at work. SO I think we should have a fucking computer chip in our brain so every time we read something or someone tells us something, it is stored, saved and never erased. OH! And it can also be used as an mp3 player...that would be sweet. Then, if there's ever something you want to completely forget about, you can just push your bellybutton or something and it will erase. I would get all A's, all the time. AND I would never spend an hour trying to remember the lyrics to a song, or have to ask someone else to figure out a friend's birthday. I think it's a good idea...some crazy scientist should get on it. 

8. Deflate button. 

Losing weight sucks balls. See, I like working out, I really do! It gives me more energy and it makes me feel accomplished, but it still takes too long to lose weight. So, it would only make sense that everyone should have a deflate button to push every time they wanted to shed a few pounds. Then they could just work out to work on the muscle and toning aspect. See, I just solved the problem of obesity in America! I'm a fucking genius. 

Ok, that's all I got. And yes, I know that most of my ideas aren't possible, but fuck you, they're cool and you know it! 

Cheers! 

I've been INSPIRED

Thanks to my good friend Rochelle, who is fucking hilarious, I have been inspired to write again. What is there to write about? I asked myself. Well, I could write about how men are blood sucking, beer guzzling baffoons (yes, baffoons) but that would be too much of a generalization. I could write about how women are cunt whore bitches, but that would be taking Rochelle's idea. SO, here's what I've come up with. 

THE DIFFERENCE BETWEEN 3 YEAR OLDS AND COLLEGE STUDENTS

As many of you know, I have been teaching preschool for the past few months. In that time, I have made some observations regarding those I teach and those I see around campus. They are as follows: 

1. When a child says "let me see yours" it's because they want to make fun of the other for being different. Adults on the other hand, just want to get in your pants and fuck your brains out before they leave. Especially if they are a cunt whore bitch or beer guzzling asshole. 

2. When a child says "I wanna help," it's either because they want a sticker or their bored. When an adult says it, they are one of several people. They either 

a) are trying to kiss your ass

b) actually want to help

c) are a cunt whore bitch or beer guzzling asshole that are trying to get on your good side so they can fuck you over. 

3. When a child says "no it's mine!!" it is because they are fighting over a toy. When an adult says it, it is because a cunt whore bitch or beer guzzling asshole is trying to take something that belongs to an innocent person or child. 

4. When a child says "more pweese" they actually mean "more please" When an adult says "more pweese" it's because the cunt whore bitch's mouth is too full of cum to say "please." 

5. When a child says "I had an accident" it means they pissed themselves. When an adult says it, it's because the beer guzzling asshole came too early 

6. When a child says "I got a boogie in my nose" it means they need a tissue. When an adult says it...well...it means they're fucking retarded. 

7. When a child says "uppies" they are trying to say "up please," meaning they want to be held. When an adult says it, it is either a drunken beer guzzling asshole begging his dick to get hard but is too intoxicated to get the words out, or it is a cunt whore bitch trying to talk with a cock in her mouth. 

8. When a child says "He hit me!" it means another child struck them and they want an adult to punish the culprit. When a cunt whore bitch says "he hit me!" it either means she got fucked by some guy, or she was actually hit, in which case she probably deserved it. When a beer guzzling asshole says "he hit me" it probably means the boyfriend of the chick he was fucking caught him and beat the shit outta him, in which case he too deserved it. 

Ok, that's all I got. Yeah I know, I'm lame. Whatever. 

Fuck you! 

No wait, I didn't mean that. 

What? Yes I did! 

No, no I didn't. I love you. 

What? 

What? 

Uh....

So sean just made me a lovely video about tit tangles. Everyone should watch and then purchase his fine product. 

Aaanyway....Here is a quick summary of my life over the past week: 

- My friends are better than your friends. Seriously, they're amazing. 

- Text messaging is a fantastic way to pass the time, especially while playing the "ask me anything" game. 

- Bronchitis and the flu both suck big hairy donkey cock and can kiss my ass

- Losing weight kicks ass

- Preschoolers can always make me laugh

- Cough medicine with narcotics in it is fucking awesome

- Sleep is good

- It's about fucking time the warm weather got here

- Everyone in my "group" has pretty much the same feelings towards cunt whore bitches and beer guzzling assholes, which makes them even more awesome. 

- The monon trail rocks my socks

- Allie needs to charge her phone

G'night! 

It's amazing what 24 hours can do...

So, if you read my last post you may have realized that it was a bit um... desperate. Well, it really is amazing what 24 hours can do. After sleeping on it and thinking about everything, I realized that us breaking up was most definitely for the best. I deserve someone who loves me just as much as I love them...and I never had that with Dan. To be perfectly honest, I don't believe he ever really loved me. There were a lot of signs that I missed, but I won't get into them. 

So now...here is a new, less hysterical version of what I wrote yesterday... stating my true, logical and totally thought out feelings. 

Dan -

Yes, I do still believe that I love you, and I don't think that love will ever die, but that love is not for who you are now, it is for who you were when I met you. You have done a lot of growing into yourself this year, and that has caused a lot of changes. You are not the same person that you used to be, and though not all of those changes are necessarily bad, they did cause us to drift farther apart, fight, and in the end help us realize that we were not meant to be.  

I honestly believe that even though I cared about you a lot, and loved you with all I had, the feeling was not mutual. Yes, I know you cared about me, but it wasn't love, even if you may have thought it was. I deserve to be with someone who loves me just as much as I love them, and I didn't have that with you. But, I do know that one day we will both find that mutual connection with someone, even though it's not with each other. 

I do have to admit, that I am glad we are staying friends. At first I didn't think it would work because of the feelings I still had for you, but to be honest, the more people point out how much you've changed the more I realize that those feelings are not there anymore. Yes, I know I said that I still love you, but remember, I love the person you used to be. Because of that, I know that we can stay friends, which will also make it easier on those who care about both of us. Besides, no one knows me as well as you do, you are a great friend, and I would hate to lose that. 

Ok, now that I am out of my crazed, shocked, hurt self that I was yesterday, I am glad that I was able to get how I really feel out there. 

Also....

Thank you SO much to everyone who has been there for me through not only this, but everything that has happened in the past few years. You guys are my best friends, and I would be lost without you. Love you guys to death! :)

Haven't done this in awhile...

So I haven't done this in a long, long time...but I'm really hurting right now, so I feel like I have to do something instead of letting all of these emotions build up. 

Dan and I are broken up right now...it's both of our faults, and I'm not going to get into the details of it all...but I do need to say something about it. The most important thing I need to say is that no matter what, I still love him. 

So Dan, if you're reading this...here it goes...

I wish more than anything that we could work this out. I still love you and I always will. If you stopped having feelings for me then well, I can't change that. I deserve to be with someone who cares about me just as much as I care about them...and I'm not sure I have that with you. I mean, when we were texting yesterday it just seemed like you hated me, like you had no feelings at all. And honestly, if that is the case, it makes me wonder how much you actually loved me to begin with. I truly and honestly believe that true love never dies. I know that we're supposed to talk today, and I hope we do...but I have a feeling that you aren't going to call. I guess I'll just have to wait and see. 

I also want you to know that I am truly sorry for hurting you. I know that I screwed up...but I also don't think it's fair that you want to give up because of this. You have hurt me so many times, and we've gotten through it. It hurts me even more to know that you actually believe I would be stupid enough to cheat on you. I never have and I never will. I'm not that kind of person, and you know that. I am actually still in shock that you would say something like that...

I've spent the past 27 hours thinking about you, and us, and what I want. At first, I thought I wanted it to be over. I was relieved that I wouldn't be crying every night because of our fights. But then, the more I thought about it, the more I realized that I know those fights are going to stop, especially since I understand the frat so much better now. I know that it isn't their fault that we are having problems, I understand that you love being a part of it, and I am starting to realize why. My parents helped me a lot with that part. 

The more I thought about it, the more I began to miss you, to realize that you are actually gone, to remember how much I need you in my life. We always said that we were meant for each other, that we would get married one day and be together forever. Remember? "More than anything, forever and ever babe." What happened to that? Did those feelings that you had really go away in a matter of hours? Or were they never actually there to begin with. Maybe you just thought they were there and are finally realizing that they weren't what you thought. Or maybe they are still there and you just don't want them to be. I don't know. 

What I do know is how I feel and what I want. I know that I love you, I know that I want to give this another shot. I know that we can get through this...that we can get through anything. But before that can happen, I need to know that you love me, that you really truly love me the way you've said that you do...or did. 

I love you Dan...more than anything, forever and ever. 

Ok, well now that I've gotten that off of my chest, all I have left to do now is wait, and pray, that God will lead us in the right direction.