I've been INSPIRED

Thanks to my good friend Rochelle, who is fucking hilarious, I have been inspired to write again. What is there to write about? I asked myself. Well, I could write about how men are blood sucking, beer guzzling baffoons (yes, baffoons) but that would be too much of a generalization. I could write about how women are cunt whore bitches, but that would be taking Rochelle's idea. SO, here's what I've come up with. 

THE DIFFERENCE BETWEEN 3 YEAR OLDS AND COLLEGE STUDENTS

As many of you know, I have been teaching preschool for the past few months. In that time, I have made some observations regarding those I teach and those I see around campus. They are as follows: 

1. When a child says "let me see yours" it's because they want to make fun of the other for being different. Adults on the other hand, just want to get in your pants and fuck your brains out before they leave. Especially if they are a cunt whore bitch or beer guzzling asshole. 

2. When a child says "I wanna help," it's either because they want a sticker or their bored. When an adult says it, they are one of several people. They either 

a) are trying to kiss your ass

b) actually want to help

c) are a cunt whore bitch or beer guzzling asshole that are trying to get on your good side so they can fuck you over. 

3. When a child says "no it's mine!!" it is because they are fighting over a toy. When an adult says it, it is because a cunt whore bitch or beer guzzling asshole is trying to take something that belongs to an innocent person or child. 

4. When a child says "more pweese" they actually mean "more please" When an adult says "more pweese" it's because the cunt whore bitch's mouth is too full of cum to say "please." 

5. When a child says "I had an accident" it means they pissed themselves. When an adult says it, it's because the beer guzzling asshole came too early 

6. When a child says "I got a boogie in my nose" it means they need a tissue. When an adult says it...well...it means they're fucking retarded. 

7. When a child says "uppies" they are trying to say "up please," meaning they want to be held. When an adult says it, it is either a drunken beer guzzling asshole begging his dick to get hard but is too intoxicated to get the words out, or it is a cunt whore bitch trying to talk with a cock in her mouth. 

8. When a child says "He hit me!" it means another child struck them and they want an adult to punish the culprit. When a cunt whore bitch says "he hit me!" it either means she got fucked by some guy, or she was actually hit, in which case she probably deserved it. When a beer guzzling asshole says "he hit me" it probably means the boyfriend of the chick he was fucking caught him and beat the shit outta him, in which case he too deserved it. 

Ok, that's all I got. Yeah I know, I'm lame. Whatever. 

Fuck you! 

No wait, I didn't mean that. 

What? Yes I did! 

No, no I didn't. I love you. 

What? 

What? 

Uh....

So sean just made me a lovely video about tit tangles. Everyone should watch and then purchase his fine product. 

Aaanyway....Here is a quick summary of my life over the past week: 

- My friends are better than your friends. Seriously, they're amazing. 

- Text messaging is a fantastic way to pass the time, especially while playing the "ask me anything" game. 

- Bronchitis and the flu both suck big hairy donkey cock and can kiss my ass

- Losing weight kicks ass

- Preschoolers can always make me laugh

- Cough medicine with narcotics in it is fucking awesome

- Sleep is good

- It's about fucking time the warm weather got here

- Everyone in my "group" has pretty much the same feelings towards cunt whore bitches and beer guzzling assholes, which makes them even more awesome. 

- The monon trail rocks my socks

- Allie needs to charge her phone

G'night!